The persistence of the struggle.
- Jul 29, 2017
- 3 min read
As you remember, in my first blog post I explained how my life is a nutshell, I'd wish if there's change in my inner self as I planned to, the only thing that worked is seeing the true value of myself - with humility - but mainly, I'm still feeling no improvement.
This is not the bad part of it, but actually, I'm really feeling hopeless and prone to anxiety (maybe more than before), thinking that the social life here in Egypt will rarely work out positively, and even the (rarely) word, I'm afraid it becomes impossible.
Let's admit together, I'm behaving differently than most people do, right? And many people don't trust me as my stereotype-killing actions towards them are controversial or negative (positive generally doesn't come here), right? Everything that suggests that I am the black spot in all these are highly admitted by most people, but hey, if you want to find who knows I'm right, or who can admit their faults or conflicts, I'm afraid you will search for them a lot, there are very very very few, who believe in this, and afraid this fact will change, too.
So what are the "stereotype-killing" actions I stated? It's literally everything I suffer from and yet I still hanging on to them because I find nothing wrong in them. These include loving everyone and appreciating everyone as much as I can, as long as I know at least their name and interacted with them before at least once. Also, I today suggested about hugging or kissing people we love, even if they are our friends.
So what is the purpose? Do I really aim to twist your nerves? I know world is not pure, but what hurts more, judging before knowing and experiencing it by own self. "But why shall we get tired? Why shall we even accept people and forgive them before we know them?" Is love only created for people we know? As long as we found nothing proves this person intends to harm, why not love?
You have the right to behave in whatever way you want, then why not me? Just because I behave differently than you? I'm not your mirror image, and you are not mine as well. So as long as we are linked together (even by at least shallow friendship), please accept.
"Love is giving more than earning" This sentence simplifies how each and every linkage should be based on. Not because of conversations and common interests a true friendship occurs, a friendship might occur but will not last forever and will lack it's beneficial features. But a true friendship is based on how the person is valued in you, which is clearly illustrated in the darkest days before the light comes, or even if no light actually.
But to conclude this, this post will change nothing in people, and will just pass like spring wind, and I'll still enter in conflicts, and my inner self will keep burning, and tears will never stop falling, even I can put this to end if I became less caring, and that's better for my health, but as I said earlier, I still have no signs of improvements, which means I can still get affected from inside subconsciously, so why not keep trying to cheer people around? In all cases I care and always willing to spread the love and joy to people I know.
The pain will never stop, because I "love".
Thank you for reading!
N.B: True love comes by choice, not by the feeling of it, for your safety.
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